27.02.20

A co-worker and I were talking about choices today.

Unless you’re held against your own will, everything is a choice. You get to decide. Whatever you decide, maybe you’ll reap the rewards, perhaps there are consequences. But you live with the choices you make. You. Just. Face. The. Music.

I’m going to take my own advice and that is I get to decide. And there’s no better sense of freedom than having choices.

Right now, I’m deciding to let go of everything, anything, anyone that no longer serves a purpose in my life. To make room for new things, new experiences, new people — you have to let go of the excess.

Just like, someone once told me — if you wanna reach the sky, you’ve got to let go of the shit that weighs you down.

You know I always said, I don’t like blocking people cause if I block someone, I probably hate them and if I hate them, it means I still care.

But that’s just cynical of me to stick with that frame of thinking. From now on, it’s different.

I wanted to say goodbye to my ex one final time. I was hoping she wouldn’t even bother acknowledging the message and a big part of me just wishes I should have blocked her after I sent my final goodbye. But shoulda, coulda, woulda. Shit happens, learn from it.

But this is the last time I’ll ever mention “my ex”. She now falls under the “ex-cess” category. No pun intended.

It takes a lot of, um, stripping away of the ego, to admit you’re wrong, to be honest about things, to try and patch things up but I tried my best and it wasn’t enough. And it’s ok. She deserves what she feels she deserves. The same goes for myself.

I always say — sometimes what you want isn’t always what you get, but in the end what you get is so much better than what you wanted.

I always find myself saying that. So, in order for me to move on to better things and better people, I gotta let go of the old to make room for the new.

I want something better. I want someone better. And this is a choice I’ll never live to regret.

🙏🏽♥️🧘🏽‍♀️

I’m probably gonna forget about this at some stage. I don’t know. Life just keeps happening and I’ve been trying to be as productive as much as possible. Trying to make use of any spare time I have.

I love this line by Jay Z:

Everybody look at you strange, say you changed

Like you worked that hard to stay the same

It’s so true, man.

I didn’t work hard to stay the same. I worked hard to change so much about myself. I worked on so much shit.

This is the most consistent I’ve ever been with work, my diet, exercise, yoga and meditation, my savings.

I just want to be consistent in everything I do. Consistent with friends, with family, in relationships. In everything.

🧘🏽‍♀️♥️

23.02.20 – watch this space…

My friend and I worked on music the other night. The video above is a track I started just then.

I got a few of my co workers to listen to a voice memo from the session my friend and I had the other night. We worked on melodies mainly cause I think melodies is the most important thing when it comes to music.

Anyway, I whipped out my old laptop cause it had most of the music I had made over the years. My friend was like fuck, Lorena, you can literally make anything and I don’t know why you haven’t put yourself out there.

🤷🏽‍♀️

Cause I’m not really someone who wants to be in the limelight. But, yeah maybe I have to start taking myself more seriously and really make a big effort when it comes to the music I made. I know I’m good enough but I’m just my own biggest enemy at the same time cause I’m always like… fuck what if like two people only like my music? What am I gonna do?

But… I think it doesn’t matter whether people like it or not, music was and still is my passion. It saved my life at one point.

It’s been nice just being able to sit in front of my laptop to make music again and just be present. I think that’s what I missed for so long.

I rarely made time to work on music for the past three years since I got back from that U.S roadtrip. I remember writing a post like 3 years ago saying I just feel so lost and that I’ve fallen out of love with music. No wonder why I got so depressed because ultimately music makes me so happy and when you take away the things that make you happy, well you’re not gonna be happy.

So, it’s nice to have rekindled my love affair with music. After all these years, maybe it’s gonna be the one thing that’ll save me again.

Dang, that was deep.

🧘🏽‍♀️♥️

22.02.20

I think I wanna chase this music dream one last time because I feel like this time there’s nothing truly stopping me.

What have I got to lose other than time? Time, I have a lot of. Might as well make the most of it.

21.02.20

Holy shit.

My friend and I just got the foundations down for a hella killa song.

I love the song so far and we’ve literally done most of the grunt work!

🧘🏽‍♀️♥️