I recieved this super sweet message the other night. It’s got me thinking about how people percieve you in a certain light. It made me laugh at how someone could think I’d have it so together. I’m not sure what it would be to give that indication. I can sort of come up with a small list on why or what it could be.
I guess externally everything is all well and good. I can see that myself. But my mind is… somewhere else.
The most lost I’ve ever felt is when I’ve been at a crossroads. But right now, I’m so lost I find myself asking questions like who am I? What makes me happy?
I’m a bit unsure at the moment on what I want to do in life or what makes me happy apart from family and nature. Music would usually be in that list too but I despise it right now. That’s a first and a good indication that something is not right.
I’ve been planning to get away the last few days. Thinking about going on a roadtrip up north next weekend. Except I don’t even know what I’m trying to get away from. I sort of just feel like being alone in nature.
I look at my life from an outsiders perspective and I think yeah everything is good. But my mind is in such a dark place, it’s like none of that stuff really matters, whether they were good or bad, it doesn’t change what’s going on in my mind.
I just want it to go away. Like, right now if there is actually one thing that’s keeping me alive — it’s the will to get through this.