The Difficulty of Self Knowledge V

To understand ourselves, we need not only to learn of our past but also to take regular stock of what is flowing through our consciousness in the present.

The School of Life

This is why I decided to take up meditation to help me focus on what’s going on internally, to help me understand myself and feelings on a deeper level, to really delve into any underlying issues I have.

After meditating, I tend to ask myself some really serious questions. I’ve realised that maybe these are the kinds of questions people are scared to ask themselves because they’re scared of the truth, they’re scared of what’s really going on deep inside.

I always reflect on things I did and said throughout the day and I can easily pin point specific moments where I can say, “Yeah, that was definitely my ego.”

And sometimes it’s things like… Why did I talk to that individual in that manner? Am I aware of how talking to them in that way could make them feel and could affect them? Is there another way to effectively say it in a more meaningful and compassionate manner? I try to be more compassionate these days. Compassion after all is a deep level of understanding.

Another reason I meditate is because I know that after a long day at work, when I’m tired, the last thing I want to do is to project my stress or any negative feelings I have towards not just the people I love and care about but to anyone really.

But it also helps me to understand others around me whether it’s family, friends, co workers etc. Sometimes my mother can lash out about small things but I know better now than to take it personally. Perhaps she is stressed out about something, perhaps it’s just old age but to understand that there are more than the things she says is so important to me. At the end of day, I know that my family loves me unconditionally despite anything hurtful we may have said in the past.

I think to have a deep level of self awareness is important. I’m not saying my level of self awareness is profoundly deep but it makes sense for it to increase with age and experience.

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