Ok, I was totally going to finish reading The Power of Now but I decided to meditate instead and then for some reason I still didn’t feel like reading. I was actually really looking forward to resuming the book seeing as it was just starting to cover love and relationships. Instead I went on youTube cause I felt like watching some history video on Buddhism… I don’t know, anything that was going to make sense and then eventually I came across a bunch of Stoicism videos.
I had no idea what Stoicism is or who Marcus Aurelius is.
Anyway after watching several videos on Stoicism… I got the answer I was looking for.
While I was meditating I couldn’t help but think about how different I felt internally compared to a time when I felt like I wasn’t in so much pain. It’s not physical pain or emotional pain, it’s not really a feeling of pain but more a feeling of suffering inside. Some form of suffering. My body, my whole existence feels like this empty void. It’s like as if I’m dead inside.
I know that sounds really depressing but for me it feels painful cause I know there was a time in the past where I felt like I was doing “it” right and I was content.
Stoicism is the philosophy of not giving a fuck basically. I know that sounds bad but…
The things that the Stoics did, the Stoics philosophers did like Marcus Aurelius… They were the things I was doing with my life when I was happy and those things included:
– Exercise (not to look good but to make the body feel good cause when you make the body feel good, chances are you’ll make the mind feel good)
– Meditation (well, science has proven meditation does wonders for us spiritually, physically, emotionally, psychologically etc etc etc)
– Journaling (which I’m so surprised about. Journaling is something that I really love to do as I can keep track of my progress in life. The whole point of this blog since I started in 2012 was to journal my self discovery. Honestly the only reason I journal is to be able to reflect back on things. Apparently Marcus Aurelius journaled every day reviewing his day on what went right and what went wrong. His journals even became something that philosophers after him turned to. They literally turned his journal into a book. That’s fucking amazing.)
– Negative visualisation (which I’ve never done but willing to try. Basically it’s when you wake up in the morning, you tell yourself that you’ll have to deal with ‘bullshit’ throughout the day. I use the word bullshit cause in a nutshell that’s what it is. Apparently this helps you become more prepared for when those shitty things happen and you are less likely to react to it in a negative way.)
Now, I know “not giving a fuck” may sound terrible or it may sound really awesome. Like, if something bad or something shitty happens, you just don’t give a fuck. But there’s more to it than it sounds. Basically, it’s having the ability to not have to react to trivial things in life. I say trivial instead of shitty things cause when you put your “shitty things” in perspective to everything else around the world (like war taking place in other parts of the world, and people getting killed), like, how shit are your “shitty things”? — not so shitty if you think about it. I can honestly sit here and think about all the “shitty things” that have happened to me but what is the point of being a victim and choosing to suffer that way? I’m not saying that your “shitty things” are irrelevant or they don’t matter — I’m just saying that when you feel upset, angry, disappointed etc. about these “shitty things”, is it really worth feeling like that? Are those feelings something you can control? Like, ask yourself — why do I feel this way? What can I do to make myself stop feeling this way? Where is this feeling stemming from? Confront yourself with these kinds questions.
I think Stoicism is also about being content. A content person is less likely to react negatively to “shitty things” that happen to them. It’s also about being content with wherever you are in life and whatever you’re doing in your life but also setting goals for yourself so that you are able to ‘bridge the gap’ between who you are now and the person you want to become. Because ultimately people do want to get better, and do better and end up in a better place. (Well, I hope so cause if someone didn’t want to get better then that’s their problem)
But the thing is — if you don’t feel happy now with who you are, what you have or if you don’t accept who you are and you think well once I get that job, or save this much money, get that house, get that car, become more spiritual, become more enlightened, once I lose weight, be in a relationship… blah blah blah so many things… if you are waiting for those things to happen because you think they’ll make you happy, once you actually get that job or that house, or become more spiritual etc, you won’t be happy once you get those things if you aren’t content with your life right now.
Now, I think it’s hard to be happy. Happy is such a loaded word. Whereas I think it’s a lot easier to feel and a lot easier to feel consistently content cause you know it’s just impossible to be happy forever. Happiness is kind of momentary. It comes and goes a lot in life.
So, yeah be content with your life right now. Accept it for its current state. There may be aspects about your life that you don’t like right now whether it’s your job or your car, maybe you’re hurting or you’re angry… whatever it is, once you tell yourself that all those things are temporary, you’ll be alright. Hopefully better than alright, hopefully you’ll be content. Be content but at the same time, bridge the gap on who you are right now and who you want to be — chances are, the person you want to be is a more wiser, smarter, healthier, happier version of you.
You won’t get there, you’re already there. You just have to keep going.