29.10.19

I don’t know really what I’m going to do in the next 6 months or so but I know that when the time comes to make a decision about future plans, I want to be in a better head space. Like for now, I just want to work on myself — be in a much healthier and much stronger place; psychologically, physically, emotionally, mentally and the all other necessary “ally’s”. I realised that is the solid foundation that I speak of. Ultimately I’d like to be able to confront or face situations in a more rational way, not get so attached to any outcomes, and yeah… just be healthier really.

The possibilities are endless right now. The choices are endless. I guess it’s nice to have the freedom. When the time is right, and I’ll know when the time is right, I’ll sit down and write down the things I’d like to do and weigh up my options and see which option will align with the direction I’d like to go in life.

I’m constantly in between that Proverbial and Ecclesiastic mindframe of — chasing wisdom but also like “fuck it, you only live once.” I guess it’s important to balance both. I thought I wasn’t like that anymore but I’ve accepted that it’s just me and I’m ok with that. I’m ok with following a routine but every now and then, I’d like to do something totally wild. I don’t necessarily think I get bored, I think it’s more that just now and then I’d like to do something that sets my soul on fire.

I don’t know if I’ll ever “settle down”, or if I’ll ever live the conventional way of life (the one that society conforms upon us). Actually, I totally could with the right person but now going through this love dry spell, settling down seems a lifetime away right now. And I’m ok with that.

Anyway, when I got home today, I meditated for 20 minutes followed by 45 minutes of yoga. No running today, instead I ended up eating a bunch of junk food cause I ended up being so hungry after yoga. What I should have done was probably eat lunch, rest and then meditate and then yoga so I had more energy to go for a run. But lesson learned! Tomorrow I will be trying out new yoga poses and I’m so, so excited about this.

I haven’t picked up the guitar in about a week. My left hand is a little fucked from work but I picked it up this evening just to see if I could memorise that cover without looking at the tabs, turns out I could! Muscle memory is so scientifically rad.

I’m outta here.

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