05.12.19 — an open letter to today.

I don’t know how to start this off.

I don’t really know what I’m gravitating towards to but whatever it is, I know that I have full faith and trust in the process. The universe always serendipitously brings us to where we’re meant to be. Like, where we are right now is exactly where we’re meant to be. And I don’t mean geographically speaking. Well, yes, it includes that but I mean everything else — where we are spiritually, psychologically etc. I am here for a known or unknown reason.

Time is a funny thing. We know it’s an illusion so to say that time will heal all wounds is a misconception of time, right? Though, it’s funny how things can change so much in so little time. I always tell myself this — everything can change instantaneously.

I’m here. And it doesn’t feel like I’ve changed much but more so I’ve awakened and I’ve stepped out of my shadow and into the light. I’m still the same person but with more self awareness, and I’m a little less ego driven. I feel a lot more secure within myself. I guess you can say, yes, I have changed although I feel I haven’t. I feel like I’ve gone through, like, an “unlocking” more than anything. The work to get here but was difficult, it was confronting, it was a rollercoaster of emotions.

The deeper I go into writing this, trying to reach the purpose of it, the more I start to realise that, perhaps, there isn’t one. Perhaps, this is all just expression. And this all just leads me to one thing — to surrender.

When I finished work today, I just felt heavy. My whole entire being felt heavy. Way too much thinking today and just too many things occupied my mind. I don’t want to go into too much details but I told myself, I don’t wanna show up on my mat today, I’d rather just drown in my sorrows. But I did yoga today regardless of the heaviness. It was like my body was on auto-pilot. 10 minutes turned into an hour, an hour turned into 90 minutes. I have formed a habit of just showing up on my mat everyday. It has been well over 30 consecutive days of doing yoga. It is here to stay.

One of the most challenging poses in yoga is Savasana otherwise known as ‘the corpse pose’. In a physical sense, you are literally lying on your back, legs and arms to the earth. This is the pose I look forward to during my yoga practice. One reason being is that physically it’s the easiest pose in yoga and another reason is because I feel a sense of fufilment knowing I have just practiced yoga. They say you’re meant to stay in this pose for about 20 minutes but I usually stay in it no longer than a few minutes. It is during Savasana that staying present is the hardest. It is hard to let go and just surrender to the present during this pose. That’s the most challenging thing about Savasana.

And after today and after all of this. I remind myself that’s what everything comes down to — Savasana, the corpse pose, to not resist anything but to just… surrender.


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