24.12.19

Ahh my god, I’m so tired. My back was super stiff this morning when I woke up. It’s a lot better now after doing over 90 minutes of yoga.

You know the mantra today during yoga was “I trust”. And it’s about trusting yourself, trusting the universe. I heard something along the lines… “the universe is for you and everything else” meaning the universe is never working against you but more so it’s working for you. I love that. Because it’s so relevant and true.

I had the crappiest sleep last night and considering it’s nearly that time of the month and how fucking annoying the boys were at work today, (I’m sorry but they were pretty annoying) I think I did a relatively good job in keeping my cool.

I can’t believe it’s Xmas eve and tomorrow is Xmas. The days are all just stitched together into weeks, weeks into months and months into years.

I can’t believe I’m nearly 30 and I’ve got nothing to show for, for anything I’ve done in the last ten years of my life. Just memories. And a bunch of stories. But I guess it’s the life I asked for — you know the one where I rebelelled against conforming to western society’s expectations. Like being married and having kids all by age 30. Not that there’s anything wrong with wanting those things like if that’s what makes someone happy then by all means, go on and do that but to do it out of conformity, social status and/or pressure is just kinda lame really? It’s not like you can have it all by 30 anyway? An established career, a family, experience… like can you think of one person who has all those by 30? Umm I can’t think of anyone. We can say well Beyonce has it all… yeahhhhh, plus a cheating husband so you tell me — how happy is she?🤷🏽‍♀️I think I’m just expressing all of this because I get so tired of people telling me to “settle down”. Like, if I wanted to settle down, I would’ve set my life up many years ago to be at that point now. I wanted to live a colorful life in my 20’s. I have my 30’s to try and do all that other shit so I’m kinda yeah🤷🏽‍♀️

There’s a lot of things I disagree with in western culture and a lot of things I agree with in western culture. It’s the same for eastern culture but I try and take the best from both sides. I don’t know. I’m tired and I’m starting to rant.

I’m gonna work out for a little bit and then I’ve gotta do a few things for mother dearest.

And then I’m gonna watch an xmas movie — Home Alone 2 or Love Actually? Maybe I’ll watch Home Alone 2 with my little brother! Love Actually might trigger a few things inside me🤪🙄

I’m out.

🧘🏽‍♀️♥️

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