Do you ever have moments softening yourself or at least wanting to?

When something is soft and delicate, it’s easy to say it’s fragile and weak. But I think there’s something about vulnerability, you know?

I mean how can we be present with our guards up? It makes me feel so anchored and fixed thinking about it.

In my personal experience, I know that in order for me to access compassion, humility and so forth, I’ve got to let my guard down. I think something like forgiveness stems from being compassionate which then stems from love. And when you say love, it’s coming from a place so deeply treasured within you; how could we do a thing such as making it accessible that just about anyone deserves it? ‘It’ as in love?

And forgive me for my lack of romanticism but many other emotions are rooted in love — empathy, acceptance, gratitude, kindness… the list goes on. I’m not referring to the kind of love between intimate partners.

I’m really someone that hates being angry. It doesn’t make me feel strong at all even during conflict.

Say, between you and another party; there‘s a verbal argument of ‘I’m right’, ‘you’re wrong’ or I’ve been triggered so I’ve got to trigger the person back. You’ve got to have the last say, the last punch, the last laugh. Yeah, we’ve all been there.

Perhaps the person you have conflict with is having a really shitty day. For all we know the past 5 years of their life could have been really shit. But then again, it probably hasn’t been all rainbows and unicorns on your side. So maybe by reacting, you feel a sense of justice; you feel validated. You want to at least be on par or one up with said person. But really — by choosing to engage in the conflict, it’s an act of unkindness to your true self, to your higher self.

The ego just does its thing y’know. It’s easy to react rather than respond (not reacting to a situation counts as a response) because it requires less energy and effort. It’s more disciplinary work to access the place of love and to choose empathy.
You know by choosing to let ‘it’ go, i.e the conflict, you’re still choosing humility. Even if you don’t get the last say, the last punch, the last laugh. Because when something is literally so miniscule in the scheme of things, when something is so. damn. trivial. — it’s best to keep it that way.

You know, I think it’s great being able to practice mindfulness. I am nowhere near where I want to be but the more I try to reach new levels of awareness and self discipline, the more present I feel, and become. Being present momentarily is one thing but staying present is another challenge. That is something I’m working on.

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