04.10.20

I’m so tired. I got home at 5am this morning.

Life’s weird. I’ve really started to pull away from certain people. And I find it interesting how they too pull away and mirror back. I truly believe the people present in your life are there for a reason. This is how lives are shaped. People are not just people, they are also experiences. I’ve started to question the role others have designed for me to play and whether it is authentic and true, and if I agree with it.

I’ve also learnt a few things about taking responsibility for my own actions and not throwing people under the bus. People around me tend to be doing that a lot these days. And instead of being like them, I’ve decided you know what… I will take responsibility for my own actions. And if I need to stand up for myself, I will do so but not for the sake of being defensive.

I have a lot on my mind at the minute. Another thing… and this one gets me a little excited. So… last night, the girl I’m super curious about pretty much hung out and kept each other entertained all night. Man, she’s really fucking cute. But… there’s a big, big but. Everything that has lead to this situation has a deja vu feel to it. I feel like how my ex and I got together is the same way this new girl and I are getting together. BUT… I’m so scared of repeating the same mistakes. I’m scared of repeating the same experience. I think back to how much I wanted to get back together with my ex before. And now it feels like I am but with a new person. And I feel like I have changed so much the past year. Perhaps, the test isn’t so much whether I should be avoiding someone similar to my ex. Maybe the test is whether I’ve truly learnt what I needed to learn from my last relationship. I guess time will tell.

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