24.10.20

I think… hmm…

It’s true. We tend to gravitate towards what feels familiar. It makes sense.

I was meditating the other night trying to get some clarity about something. Well, someone actually. And I realised that maybe I have not yet completely, 100% moved on, or healed from my last relationship. Because I keep finding myself in situations that set me up to feel a certain way.

This new person I find myself attracted to is very much like my ex. Perhaps, I don’t actually like her but am trying to feed a certain emotional addiction. Does it make sense? Because I got used to feeling insecure and jealous all the time in my past relationship that it feels like those feelings are a necessity. I know they are not. Maybe I need to dig deeper and get to the core of things. Perhaps feelings of insecurity, jealousy and anger stem back from my childhood trauma and not from my last relationship.

I will look into it.

♥️

17.10.20

Dang, I feel so conflicted about this situation. I’m looking forward to my studies so I can be occupied again.

Also, I really miss meditating. I do look back and see the difference it makes. I need me some Deepak Chopra guided meditation everyday.

I’ll get a calendar and tick off any day that I meditate. I must tell myself that even five minutes is ok. Ten minutes is also ok. Any moment to surrender and just be present and just to sit still with my mind means everything to me.