24.01.20

I really love this song. It’s so different from Tyler, The Creator. It has really grown on me after several lessons. I also really love that Yummy song by Justin Bieber.

Anyway, I can’t stay up too late tonight cause I’ve gotta get up early. Myself and a couple of the girls at work are going up to the city and we’re leaving at like 7:30am. I’ve gotta do yoga in the morning since I won’t have any other time to do it tomorrow.

I’ve been focusing on my meditation a lot lately. It’s really hard to find a good guided meditation online. I guess it’s ok cause sometimes I’m just craving silence and stillness.

I’m gonna leave this here. I just wanna wind down and study Korean for a bit before I fall asleep.

♥️🧘🏽‍♀️

23.01.20

I’ll keep this one short.

Seriously what is life coming to.

I have a lot to talk about. A frikken lot. But I wanna study Korean for a bit after just giving one of my co-workers a Korean lesson.

Actually I’ll get this one off my chest first before it slips out my mind.

Last night, my ex was in my dream. And this time she was in a relationship with this chubby american dude who has a bit of a belly.

So, I went to go see her. And I was kinda like why are you going to marry that guy? He has exactly the same personality as me but I’m way more attractive. And his pork belly is worse than mine. And she’s like, you know we have to move on. I still love you but we can’t be together so he’ll be ok for me even if he looks like that. We have to let this go. And I’m like, oh are you sure? We can get back together, we don’t have to with mediocre versions of each other.

In my dream, I was dating someone new but didn’t tell my ex this. But it was like I wanted to know what the hell was going on and why were both dating replicas of each other.

So, I woke up this morning and I was kinda like, dang… wtf was that. I think it’s my subconscious mind telling me something

Ok so much for keeping this one short.. sorry.

There’s a Korean girl at work who has a very similar personality to my ex. One of my co-workers teases me and always jokes around saying she likes me. (But this girl doesn’t even know I’m into chicks). Anyway I’ve started to give her the cold shoulder cause I’m kinda like… yeah, I don’t wanna get distracted. And I just wanna focus on the job in front of me. And besides, my ex is way more attractive than her.

Anyway…

Yoga was great today. My 45 minute yoga practices the past week has felt insanely short but when work starts to quieten down a bit, I’ll start going back to 90 minutes. 45 minutes is really not enough but I have to make do with the time I have.

Catch you on the flipside.

♥️🧘🏽‍♀️

22.01.20

Oh my period came today. So much awareness with the happenings of my body… dang.

Today’s yoga practice was the best in a long while. I felt totally present and I just surrendered with every breath. It was amazing.

Anyway I don’t really have much to say today. I’m feeling pretty calm.

Actually, I have to remind myself to detach from situations and everything, really.

I had the weirdest dream last night. It felt so real that I was in a super good mood when I woke up this morning.

Also, I have to remind myself to focus and to shut the eff up. Especially when people at work are getting the best of my ego.

The ego has to switch off.

♥️🧘🏽‍♀️

It is what it is, I guess…

The other day, a friend of mine had asked me to be one of her witness as part of the partner visa her and her partner are applying for.

It’s kinda weird that it’s come to this. It’s not weird. Just… I don’t really know the right term to use.

She used to live with my ex and that’s how I met/know her.

I had a feeling that I would get asked but I always thought my ex and I would be together when all this unfolded.

I kinda just sit here and think yeah, it coulda been us and it shoulda been us in this position. Sometimes I wonder if my ex had ever wanted to commit that much or that far into our relationship. Sometimes I think she never wanted it. But that was my problem, not hers.

My friend once told me… “Cause when you know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” That’s what I always thought when I was with her. Like, yeah the rest of my life is with her.

You think it for so long and then suddenly everything changes in a heartbeat.

It was hard, and sometimes it still is… you know having to pick up the pieces and to continue life from where I left it before I met her.

I was so sure I knew what I wanted before, that it didn’t matter where I was going to be or what I was going to do, I always thought she’d be there until the end. I always thought I’d be there until the end. I guess I always thought the end wouldn’t come around that soon.

Yeah, you can say it was bad timing or it was all my fault. I don’t know but I try not to let it consume me much these days. I just try to let it all go. That’s all I can do.

Even if I never get to experience a love of the same intensity again, at least I got to for a small part of my life because some people never get the chance to.

Yeah, some people say, that’s just life.

But is it?

Is this the life I chose?

Well, I hope one day someone will be there with me and we can both say… yep, this is the life I wanted, with you.

21.01.20

Am I really getting my period soon?

Surprisingly enough, I’ve been feeling pretty good and sleeping relatively well. It’s nuts.

Work has been interesting to say the least but all the talk that everyone’s been so engaged in has rarely been at the forefront of my mind. I, on the other hand… hmmm… well, someone has been quite a distraction for me. I’ll just leave it at that.

I was meant to finish work early today but it’s a long weekend this weekend so I asked to stay back so I can make up for my lost hours in the next pay week!🥵🤪

Yoga was fucking amazing today. I felt so present and just in good spirits.

I’m feeling great right now. I just wanna enjoy it.

♥️🧘🏽‍♀️