Today was the total opposite of yesterday. Once I finished work today, I even smiled to myself and thought yeah today was much better. I was more responsive than reactive. I tried to be as present as I could be all throughout today. I’m going to meditate shortly and then go for a run. I’ve decided to give up smoking, I’ve really got to try and be more conscious and be more aware of my train of thoughts. So the next 4 weeks will be interesting, it’ll be a challenge trying to give up smoking but I can do it. Anyway Day 4 of level 1.
As I progress through this level of the course, I intend to practice being mindful and refrain from judging myself or others.
I am willing to let go of the past and be humble enough to let things be different now.
Did you respond rather than react?
I responded. However there was this thing that happened with my mum today. She accidentally made a $600 bet on Ebay. It was meant to like $6.00. So I had to fix it for her. I didn’t speak to her in the kindest manner but it’s something I’m trying to work on. Other than that, I barely reacted today.
Did you communicate authentically rather than defend and attack?
Other than the moment I attacked my mum, I was pretty good today. My sister and I were in another hour long phone call. It was actually a really great conversation. She has asked me if I could visit her this weekend.
Did you acknowledge your uniqueness rather than compare yourself with others?
Acknowledge my uniqueness.
Did you focus on who you are becoming rather than dwell on the past?
I focused on who I’m becoming.
Did you remain generous with yourself rather and others rather than being critical and stingy?
I was generous to myself and others.
Did you remain open and receptive rather than push, dominate and manipulate to gain control?
I was open and receptive today.
Did you remain mindful rather than unconscious?
I remained mindful.
Did you remain responsible rather than blame or deny?
I remained responsible.
Did you remain humble rather than judgemental or righteous?
I remained humble but there were moments where I may have been a little righteous but nothing too severe.
Make a note in your journal of what you specifically don’t like about yourself in each of the following areas:
Appearance – your body or sense of aesthetic
My pimples. I just noticed a couple like why…
Performance – your ability to produce results and achieve your goals
Well yesterday I went for a run and it was a bit too short and I expected to do a lot better. I have to remind myself not to set such high expectations.
Contribution – your ability to have impact and make a difference
I tried to make a difference in any way I could today.
Creativity – your ability to be imaginative and inventive
Individuality – your ability to value your essence and acknowledge your uniqueness
Love – your ability to love and be loved
Sensitivity – your ability to be kind, caring and compassionate
I tried to be as kind, caring and compassionate as much as I could today.
Intuition – your ability to be wise, perceptive and intuitive
Respond to the following:
1. My Achilles Heel is my lack of confidence
Take a few quiet moments to muster your compassion and acknowledge how your self criticism makes you feel.
2. What parts of myself am I now pledging to accept?
I am pledging to accept that while I may lack self confidence, I will do everything I can to work on my self esteem and confidence.
3. Where am I coming from and which part of me drives my choices and actions?
I’m coming from my Authentic Self. I will keep confronting myself and keep calling out my own bullshit. I’m so fucking determined to get better. I will bridge the gap between who I am right now and who I want to be. I will work so hard to get there.